I felt when I first looked...

I felt when I first looked...

When I fist looked at you I felt like I had taken my first breath. I saw your body first. It swayed back and forth under the warm night, transplanted...you looked like a delicious palm tree so natural in the warm night air that enveloped us both. I looked without seeing, like reading from a text without words, I forgot which foot goes in front the next, you captured me, I was taken by you and I wanted to go and in that moment I lost time. I wish I could have taken a picture of what my face looked like at that space when place didn't exist. Mastering my mind and aligining my senses didn't come until later. Much later--in fact. But in that space place I felt like nothing needed to make sense. The same way that the stars in the sky don't need to be justified--the preexistence of our connection seemed ancient. I had, feelings for you so I withdrew, in the only safe place I knew, convinced that if you saw the real expression escape from my face my insanity would be convicted. I was also protecting that little piece of myself that screamed, "don't break me". I let my brain take over for a second--and thats all the time I needed to say...Think slowly, talk slowly, reveal nothing. And I think I succeeded, maybe. But as soon as you left and drove off I jumped as high as my legs would take me (no not into the sky as I had hoped) still I felt superhuman with boosted powers. When I reached the bottom of that long winding staircase leading to the UWI dorms the ladies were sitting around the tree on brown metal folding chairs, still whispering women talk in the dimmed illumination of campus lamps. I stopped dancing before getting into eyeshot but I forgot to stop my spirit from dancing and as I approached the women immediately stopped the evening stories to receive my joy which seemed to be flying out from my body in all directions. A smile spread across their faces in a wave. One slyly asked, "What happened to you?" and a combined "ooooooh" hushed through the rest of them. I answered with a burst of laughter and spilled out a flurry of words I can't even recall and I don't even know if it made sense. I just remember wanting to share the Leonness with them. There is no way I can explain that spirit joy to a group of people and they didn't need an explanation because they just felt it. And I shared you that first pure still night.